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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Crazy Week

I think the title says it all! One thing about life that I will never get used to is how quickly it can change! One minute things are fine, and than the next they fall apart! You just never know when something will happen. You can control your attitude, and be positive, but you can't control what happens to your loved ones! I've been very blessed to have a great family, and one that understands the power of a good attitude. As a child when I was upset, my parents said, "You can choose to either focus on the negative, or the positive." I'm sure I've mentioned this before in a blog, but it's such simple and good advice that I think it needs repeating! I'm trying very hard to take and use that advice right now! I had just been getting over a bad cold (one that was my own fault for neglecting to eat healthy after Thanksgiving) and no sooner than I emailed my managers that I would be in the next day for a meeting, my mom asked me to go to the hospital with her because my Dad had a fever. This was at 9pm, and I had to be up at 7am the next day for a very busy day. We were at the hospital until almost 2am, and I was unable to fall asleep when I got home. My Great Uncle is like the Grandpa I never had. Both of my Grandpa's died before I was born, so he has always played that role in my life. One of my favorite memories of him was every time he would visit he would give us a $10 bill. Now I don't love him because he would give us money, but it was just such a nice thing to do! What kid doesn't love $10? It felt like a $1,000. I think the best part of the money wasn't the amount though, it was that it was MINE. As a kid, having the money to use on anything you want, is a very nice feeling, especially when you had parents like mine who would say things like, if you don't listen we won't buy you (insert something a kid wants) lol. A probably unintended effect though that this money had on me was it made me value the power of having your own money. It's one thing to have everyone buy things for you, it's another to understand how much money it costs to buy things on your own. Before anyone thinks that I was spoiled, or that I think money should be handed to me, I had my first job at 12 years old. My family always had the money to get me anything I wanted, but I wanted to understand what it felt like to earn it. For it to be MY money, not someone else's. I guess I have always been a little odd ;) Anyways, it was tough seeing my Uncle in the hospital like that, but he is 90 and this has been going on for over a year. It doesn't make it any easier, but at least I know if he were to pass away he has lived a long, good life. He is also a fighter! They told him he had only a few weeks to live...and that was a year ago. When my Grandma passed away a few years ago, it was the same thing. It was expected. They actually told her she had five years to live, but she managed to hold on for many more years than that. When she passed away, and when my Uncle does, I will feel like they are in a better place. I don't enjoy watching them suffer, and wouldn't want them to prolong their suffering just because I don't want to let go! I would hope when it's my time to go, that people wouldn't be sad. I would want people to miss me, of course. We all want to feel like we have had some kind of impact on people, but I would want them to know that I am completely okay with passing on. In fact, in some ways when I see people I love suffering I wish I could take it on for them because I'm excited for death. I know, that sounds extremely morbid. It's not that I hate life and don't want to be here, I just think there is SO much I'm missing about life that we probably can't understand until we die. I look at death as the ultimate last adventure! Which brings me to my Dad. He has always been pretty healthy, so when he got sick this week it was a big surprise. His one major problem has been a hernia that keeps coming back. My Dad is too young to die from a HERNIA, of all things! I would not feel it was his time to go, and therefore it would make it much tougher if something happened to him now. He has had five surgeries, and this last one he has a very serious infection. I'm waiting for the results of what kind of infection it is as I am writing this. I think the worst part is the waiting. Waiting to get out of surgery. Waiting to see if the wound heals this time. Waiting to find out what caused the infection. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting!!! My Dad is such a great person too. I think my favorite memory of him is the time I called him on his birthday and he said,"Oh, it IS my birthday today! Thanks for reminding me!" Guess where he was? At the hospital visiting someone at his church! And no, my Dad does not have a bad memory! That is just how he is. I only hope that everyone is visiting him, and showing as much care as he does for everyone else, while he is at the hospital. Sometimes we clash because he just always wants to protect me and do everything for me, and I always want to do things on my own! I can thank him though for my independent spirit, although again, that was probably not his intention. It must be so frustrating to be a parent! You really have no control how your children choose to use your advice or help! The only solace I can give to parents is if you genuinely love your children, that it will work out in the end. One of my favorite bible verses is about how love covers a multitude of sins. And that is SO true. If you love someone, it doesn't matter if you screw up once in awhile, as long as your intentions are in the right place. Most people will not remember every thing you did, but they will remember if you truly cared about them. One of the things that this crazy week has reminded me of is just how important it is too keep your immune system healthy. This is why I sell and push superfoods on people. It has been a wake up call that I need to start eating healthy again, as I let it really go in the past few weeks, and I just don't think regular food has enough nutrients in it. That is why I supplement with superfoods. Even that I don't think is enough, but there is only so much you can do. My Dad eats kind of healthy thanks to my Mom, but he is like me and still eats stuff he knows he shouldn't, and his immune system is not as strong as it should be. I think it's because neither of us have been through something like cancer, like my Mom has. Maybe this situation this week will help him change his eating habits for good. I just hope I can get it together so that I don't need something like this to happen to me before I start taking care of myself on a regular basis, and not just every once in awhile!

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